gail song bantum

blog on identity, leadership, discipleship

waiting may feel like a lifetime… but we wait together

over the past few months, in the wake of such tragic racial injustices brought to the forefront yet again by ferguson, mike brown, eric garner, john crawford, renisha mcbride, marissa alexander, tamir rice… i’ve found myself feeling every difficult emotion you can imagine – anger, grief, lament, sadness, disappointment, confusion, weariness, disbelief, and the list continues. a few days ago, someone said to me, “i’m sure it’s been a hard week caring for your husband and kids?” to which i had no response […..]. and then, i realized that the space i’m in mentally, spiritually, physically and emotionally actually runs much deeper than even being married to my husband and raising mixed-race sons.

my 25 day advent journey here on my blog has reminded me that i’ve paid a high cost for my community, my friendships, and my family from the time i was a child! when you’ve had hoops yanked, earlobes ripped, been chased, threatened for being a n*$%#* lover, kicked out of your house, and disowned by your father – ALL, because you believed that your friends and those whom you love are worth the fight, you realize that your whole body and your life have become your love language and your protest!

it’s been a difficult season as i remember the many, many, many times over the course of nearly 4 decades of my life that i’ve found myself literally fighting for, advocating on behalf of, and risking my own sense of security for black lives to matter. and, today i find myself still fighting, advocating, and risking. it took everything in me to not lose my salvation when my oldest son was called the n-word at school a few years ago!

waiting in advent this year has been a struggle, to say the least. it literally has been a lifetime that i’ve been waiting alongside so many folks i love. but, i’ll keep waiting. i’ll keep advocating. i’ll keep risking. and, while my “fight” may look a little different now, i’ll keep fighting however i can.

i look back and remember all the people who’ve made my life so beautiful and redemptive, and i would risk it all over again if i have to. because at the core, these are the people who’ve been the tangible presence of jesus to me and god’s love embodied throughout the story of my life.

in the words of ruth to naomi: your people will be my people. your god will be my god. where you go, i will go and where you die, there too, shall i die. 

~ selah


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3 thoughts on “waiting may feel like a lifetime… but we wait together

  1. kathy cooper on said:

    Love this and you!

  2. gailsongbantum on said:

    thanks, kathy! love you back.

  3. kasha Inouchi on said:

    i love how Quest is really talking, I was once asked at Interbay to help w ith a class about Race. I really feel for what your son went through my kids have some similar stories. Ana was five and I told her in Spanish to put her coat on and this guy said to go back to our country. I remember her saying “mom i thought we are in our country” Victor has stories in middle school too. Any ways i am really appreciate you and your family for speaking out. i remember being a bit scared to talk but found comfort in Jesus words . love Kasha

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